746 lines
36 KiB
HTML
746 lines
36 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Truth</h1>
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Written by: Elaine Pope </p>
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<p>Directed by: David Steinberg </p>
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<p>Jerry - Jerry Seinfeld</p>
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<p>Kramer - Michael Richards</p>
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<p>George - Jason Alexander</p>
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<p>Elaine - Julia Louis-Dryfus</p>
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<p>Patrice - Valerie Mahaffey </p>
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<p>Tina - Siobhan Fallon</p>
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<p>Stand Up Routine</p>
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<p>================</p>
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<p>Welcome everyone to the room...Ah, the extra button....yeah ...
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what kind of a sicko </p>
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<p>would save these ...have them in a huge file, drawers that wide
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(small fingers opening </p>
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<p>imaginary drawers) Where the hell is that ... I mean is it THAT
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hard to get round black </p>
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<p>buttons that they have to make it into such a great thing like
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this? ... is it such a </p>
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<p>great jacket ... the buttons are so unique, so one of a kind, you'll
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never find them - they </p>
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<p>save you the trouble of knocking your brain off - and we know they're
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going to fall off </p>
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<p>too that's the other thing ...</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Monks</p>
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<p>=====</p>
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<p>PATRICE: Everyone in my family's creative. And even though I'm
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working as an accountant </p>
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<p>now I'd really like to eventually live exclusively on my pappe-ay
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mache-ay hats </p>
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<p>GEORGE:I don't understand. Paper Machay hats? </p>
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<p>PATRICE: uh uh</p>
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<p>GEORGE:What if it rains? </p>
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<p>FD: They're art. You hang them on the wall. </p>
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<p>GEORGE:Oh, art! </p>
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<p>PATRICE: It's my creative outlet. One of my passions. </p>
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<p>GEORGE:Any money in it?</p>
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<p>PATRICE: Who so belongs only to his age, references only popenjays
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and mumbo jumbos </p>
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<p>GEORGE:Of course, right.</p>
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<p>PATRICE: Thomas Carlisle, 1864.</p>
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<p>GEORGE:Tommy C.</p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Jerry's Apartment</p>
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<p>=================</p>
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<p>JERRY: These are the receipts from 85 and I'm going to do 86.</p>
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<p>Kramer: I'm sorry. I thought it was a legitimate charity. I didn't
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know you'd get audited </p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't blame you. I blame myself. </p>
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<p>KRAMER: No, blame me.</p>
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<p>JERRY: OK, I blame you. </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Don't blame me.</p>
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<p>JERRY: What was I supposed to do? You knew I was on my first date
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with Elaine. You come </p>
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<p>barging in here asking me to contribute money for a volcano relief
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fund for krakatoa.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: It was supposed to erupt.</p>
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<p>JERRY: I find the whole thing very embarrassing.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: You know what my feelings are about this. I don't even
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pay taxes.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, tha's easy when you have no income.</p>
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<p><Elaine enters></p>
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<p>ELAINE: Hi,</p>
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<p>JERRY: Hi</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Kramer, do me a favour will ya'. If you insist o making
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pasta in my</p>
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<p>apartment please don't put the tomato sauce on the pasta while
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it's in the</p>
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<p>strainer. All the little squares have hardened red sauce in them.
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</p>
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<p><Jerry smiles></p>
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<p>ELAINE: What's so funny</p>
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<p>JERRY: Kramer dating your room mate. It's funny. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Uh, it's a riot Alice. </p>
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<p>KRAMER: When do you pit the sauce on?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Any other time.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: I like to strain the sauce.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: And ... I could really live without the tribal music ...
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and the make out sessions </p>
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<p>in the living room </p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, Tina likes the couch.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What are you doing? What is all this?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh he's uh, helping me sort my receipts. I'm being audited.
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</p>
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<p>ELAINE: O, your being auditted? What for?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, I contributed money to a charity that turned out to
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be fraudulent. It's very </p>
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<p>boring.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: When was this? </p>
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<p>JERRY: Uh, Along long time ago, in a galaxy far far away. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: I remember you donated to some volcano thing on our first
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date.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Volcano? Really? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Oh, wait a minute. Don't tell me that that was ... </p>
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<p>JERRY: Something to drink? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: What did you think, that would impress me? </p>
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<p>JERRY: You got it ALL wrong. I was thinking only of the poor Krakatoans
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</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Like you this donation for 50 bucks and I'd start tearing
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my clothes off?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Those brave Krakatoans East of Java. who sacrifice so much
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for so long.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Now you're being audited because of it. You see That's
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Karma.</p>
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<p>JERRY: No, that's Krama.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: So, waddya' going to do?</p>
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<p>JERRY: It's all taken care of.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: How is that?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: <chuckles></p>
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<p>JERRY: An old friend of mine, whom you may have met, George Costanza,
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</p>
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<p>has recently become intimate with a female accountant who was formally
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a highly</p>
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<p>placed official with an outfit known as the IRS. And as we speak,
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at this very</p>
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<p>moment he is handing over to her all of my pertinent tax information.
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And she </p>
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<p>has assured us that the matter is well within her field of expertise.
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</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Why is she doing this?</p>
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<p>JERRY: I don't know. It must be love.</p>
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<p>Monks</p>
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<p>=====</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I don't think we should see each other anymore. You're
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great but I'm I'm riddled with </p>
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<p>personal problems.</p>
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<p>PATRICE: What did I do?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Nothing It's not you. It's me. I have a fear of commitment.
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I don't know how to love. </p>
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<p>PATRICE: You hate my earrings don't you? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: No, no,</p>
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<p>PATRICE: And you didn't comment on the chop sticks.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I love the chop sticks. I, I personally prefer a fork but
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they look very nice. </p>
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<p>PATRICE: You're not telling me the truth. I must have done something.
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</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I have a fear of intimacy </p>
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<p>PATRICE: Don't give me cliches. I have a right to know. What did
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I do wrong?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Nothing. It's not YOU..</p>
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<p>PATRICE: I want the truth.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: The truth. you want the truth? It is your earrings It is
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the chopsticks but it's so much </p>
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<p>more. You're pretentious. You call everyone by their full name
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You call my doorman, Sammy, </p>
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<p>"Samuel" but you didn't even say "Samuel" You
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went "Sam - U- EL" Papie-eh Mach-eh What is </p>
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<p>Papie-ay Mach-ay? </p>
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<p>PATRICE: Keep goin'.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I, I think I made my point. I'm sorry if I was a little
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harsh. </p>
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<p>PATRICE: No, I asked for the truth. Thank you for being so honest.
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</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Can I uh, can I walk you back to work?</p>
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<p>PATRICE: I prefer to go alone. How much do I owe? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, please ... ... four dollars is f...</p>
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<p>Jerry's Apartment</p>
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<p>==================</p>
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<p>JERRY: ... if this audit had happened to me and I didn't have this
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woman to help</p>
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<p>me I would have killed this man. I would have strangled the life
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out of him</p>
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<p>with my bare hands </p>
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<p>ELAINE: I don't blame ya'</p>
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<p>JERRY: Have you ever been through an audit?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: No.</p>
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<p>JERRY: It's hell. It's the financial equivalent of a complete rectal</p>
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<p>examination. I would have killed this man. Torn him limb from limb,
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ripped the</p>
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<p>flesh right off his bones ...</p>
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<p><buzzer></p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah</p>
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<p>GEORGE: George </p>
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<p>JERRY: Come up - Ah, there he is, the man himself, George Louis
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Costanza. Here I am about to go </p>
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<p>to the electric chair and my oldest friend is dating the governor</p>
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<p>GEORGE: My whole life has been a complete waste of time, <chuckle></p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>JERRY: And there's so much more to go.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Now I know what I am supposed to do. It's so simple. </p>
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<p>Tell the truth That's all. Just tell the truth </p>
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<p>JERRY: So what happened? You gave her my tax papers? ... My papers?
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</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, oh, your papers</p>
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<p>JERRY: What happened you didn't give her the papers? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: No. I did. </p>
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<p>JERRY: SO? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: ...I broke up with her. </p>
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<p><Kramer leaves></p>
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<p>JERRY: You what? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: I broke up with her. </p>
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<p>JERRY: I'm being audited! And you broke up with her?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: It's OK. It's fine. She'll do it. I'm sure she'll still
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do it. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Why will she still do it? She hates you now. People don't
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do you favors after you dump </p>
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<p>them. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Oh, no. We left on good terms. </p>
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<p>JERRY: How is that possible? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Because I uh, I told her the truth. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Oh, my God. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: It's OK.</p>
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<p>JERRY: It's unheard of ...</p>
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<p>GEORGE: She asked me to.</p>
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<p>JERRY: So you lie! What did you tell her? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: I told her that she was pretentious. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Pretentious!? The woman has my tax papers. You told her
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she was</p>
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<p>pretentious? The IRS. They're like the MAFIA. They can take anything
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they</p>
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<p>want </p>
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<p>ELAINE: How would you like it if someone told YOU the truth?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Like what? What could they say?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: There are plenty of things to say. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: Like what? I'm bald? What is it specifically? Is, is there
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an odor I'm not aware of?</p>
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<p>ELAINE: George, please.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Give me one.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: You sure?</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Yes.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: What? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: Forget it. You are very careful with money.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: I'm cheap? You think I'm CHEAP? How could you say that
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to me? I can't</p>
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<p>believe this. How could you say that to me? </p>
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<p>ELAINE: You asked me to. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: You should have lied.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: HUH, so should you.</p>
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<p>JERRY: OK, wait a second, wait a second, what happened to my papers?
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</p>
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<p>GEORGE:<ignoring Jerry> I mean I'm not really working right
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now. </p>
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<p>ELAINE: I know. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: When I was working I spent baby. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah, I know champagne, limos, cigars. WHAT happened to
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the papers? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: She put them in her pocketbook. I guess she took them with
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her.</p>
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<p>ELAINE: Pocketbook or a handbag? </p>
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<p>JERRY: Is that relevant? She TOOK them. Call her office.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: Give me the phone. <dials> Yea, Hi I would like to
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speak to Patrice. ...</p>
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<p>what? ... oh really? ... oh, ok, thank you, ... <hangs up>
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</p>
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<p>JERRY: What? What? </p>
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<p>GEORGE: She never came back from lunch. </p>
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<p>JERRY: This is no good. This is no good. Call her house. </p>
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<p>GEORGE: <dials> Hi, are you OK? no, no,.. huh, <hangs
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up> She hung up. </p>
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<p>JERRY: Not good.</p>
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<p>GEORGE: All right. There's nothing to be worried about. She's just
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a little</p>
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<p>annoyed right now. Tomorrow I'll personally go over there. I'll
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apologize.</p>
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<p>I'll get the papers. Don't worry. Don't worry. <exits></p>
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<p>JERRY: Not good </p>
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<p><break></p>
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<p>Jerry's Apartment</p>
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<p>=================</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Yeah, it's a windshield. </p>
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<p>JERRY: I can see that. What's it for?</p>
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<p>KRAMER: I found it on the road.</p>
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<p>JERRY: Yeah (to buzzer)</p>
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<p>ELAINE: (from intercom) I just finished working out are you busy?</p>
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<p>JERRY: Come on up.</p>
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<p>KRAMER: Can you believe somebody threw this out? You know I'm going
|
|
to make a</p>
|
|
<p>coffee table out of this and surprise Tina.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: wouldn't it be invisible? I mean, what, are you going to
|
|
just sense it's</p>
|
|
<p>in front of the couch? </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: wow</p>
|
|
<p><Elaine enters - she and Kramer avoid each other's stares></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: hell-oo</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: hell-oo</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: What's with you two?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You haven't told him? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Tell me what?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Huh, go ahead, tell him. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I, I saw her naked. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: He saw me naked. Kramer, ... saw me naked. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, you know, ... it was an accident. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Who walks into a woman's bedroom without knocking. I want
|
|
to know!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: I thought it was a closet. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Completely naked? </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Completely naked. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Jerrryyy, How can I go on? </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: All right. I'll tell you what. If it's going to make you
|
|
feel any better you can see me naked. </p>
|
|
<p><Kramer begins disrobing></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No thanks!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: No, I want you to see me naked. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No, no no.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: No, I want to show you.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: No! Jerry! Jerry!</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: OK, just a second lets not lose our heads here. Kramer you
|
|
know you are always welcome in my </p>
|
|
<p>home but as far as Mr. Johnson is concerned, that's another story.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p><Kramer sits down picks up windshield></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Ehat is this?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Well, it's a windshield. It's going to be your new coffee
|
|
table. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Ah, I'm going to kill myself on that thiing. You can't
|
|
even see it. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You'll sense it.</p>
|
|
<p><George enters slowly></p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, what happened? Was she there? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No, no she wasn't.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You didn't get my papers?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No, I didn't.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Well, where is she?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: A mental institution. </p>
|
|
<p>STAND UP ROUTINE</p>
|
|
<p>================</p>
|
|
<p>Why is it so difficult, uncomfortable, to be naked. It's because
|
|
when you have</p>
|
|
<p>clothes on you can always kinda make those little adjustments that
|
|
people like </p>
|
|
<p>to do ... you feel like you're getting it together, yeah, yeah
|
|
pretty good </p>
|
|
<p><pulling at lapels, pockets etc.> feeling good looking good
|
|
But when you're</p>
|
|
<p>naked it's like it's so final you're, Well that's it. <no movements>
|
|
There's</p>
|
|
<p>nothing else I can do. That's why I like to wear a belt when I'm
|
|
naked. Cause I</p>
|
|
<p>feel it gives me something, I know I'm naked, but you know, <tugging
|
|
and</p>
|
|
<p>lifting belt> I like to get pockets to hang off of the belt
|
|
that would be,</p>
|
|
<p>wouldn't that be the ultimate? To be naked and still be able to
|
|
do this <hand</p>
|
|
<p>in pocket> I think that would really help a lot.</p>
|
|
<p>================================================================</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry's Apartment</p>
|
|
<p>=================</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: A mental institution?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: You know what they do in there? Did you see CooCoo's Nest?
|
|
They put those electrodes in </p>
|
|
<p>your head. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: It's not really a mental institution. It's more like a
|
|
depression</p>
|
|
<p>clinic. She went out to Woodhaven and checked herself in. I'm,
|
|
I'm sick over</p>
|
|
<p>this. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Who told you this:</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Her roommate. I've driven women to lesbianism before but
|
|
never to a mental institution. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: My friend Bob Sacamano had shock treatments. But his synapses
|
|
were so large, it had no effect. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You know I hate to raise a crass financial concern but was
|
|
there any</p>
|
|
<p>information as to the where abouts of my PAPERS! </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: She put them in her pocket book. She probably took them
|
|
out there with her.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: So what now? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I don't know. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Can we go out there? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Where?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Woodhaven.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: We could. </p>
|
|
<p>Woodhaven</p>
|
|
<p>=========</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I'm very nervous about this. I've never spoken to a mental
|
|
patient before. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: My cousin Douglas was in a place like this one time . He
|
|
came over to</p>
|
|
<p>my house for dinner. There was no soda and he went bezerk. He was
|
|
screamin' </p>
|
|
<p>"where's the Pepsi, where's the Pepsi?" </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I should be in a place like this I envy this woman. Ya'
|
|
get to wear</p>
|
|
<p>slippers all day. Friends visit. They pity you. Pity is very underrated.
|
|
I</p>
|
|
<p>like it it's good. Plus they give you those word association </p>
|
|
<p>tests. I love those. </p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>JERRY: That'd be great. There's no wrong answer. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Potato</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Tuberculosis</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Blanket</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Leroy</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Grass</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Tuberculosis</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, boy. Here she comes.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine's Apartment</p>
|
|
<p>==================</p>
|
|
<p><African music is playing as Elaine enters, dirty pots and dishes
|
|
are piled high in the kitchen></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Oh, my god.</p>
|
|
<p><Kramer enters dancing with only a towel on.></p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: KRAMER!</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: WILL YOU PLEASE PUT SOMETHING ON.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Uh, you want some leftovers? I made some African food.
|
|
There's, yambalas and uh, sambusa.</p>
|
|
<p>TINA: Kramer, are you coming back to bed?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Yeah, yeah, I'll be right there baby.</p>
|
|
<p>TINA: Oh, hi Elaine. <returns Elaine's ear rings> What did
|
|
you think of the coffee table? </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: It's invisible.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: So, is everything cool? or what?</p>
|
|
<p>TINA: Yeah, you seem little bit dysfunctional.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Well, </p>
|
|
<p>TINA: Come on Elaine. just tell us the truth. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: The Truth!, You want The Truth? </p>
|
|
<p>Woodhaven</p>
|
|
<p>=========</p>
|
|
<p>PATRICE: Who are you?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Oh, this is my friend Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>PATRICE: Why are you talking like that? And what do YOU want?</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Want, want? What could I possibly want? Uh, I just came
|
|
because I, I heard so many nice things </p>
|
|
<p>about you from George. </p>
|
|
<p>PATRICE: George thinks I'm pretentious. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Pretentious? Who isn't pretentious? Ha, ha, if everyone
|
|
who was</p>
|
|
<p>pretentious was in a mental institution, ... uh, obviously THIS
|
|
isn't a mental </p>
|
|
<p>institution. </p>
|
|
<p>PATRICE: You're just trying to take it all back because you're
|
|
feeling guilty I'm in here.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: No, that's not it at all.</p>
|
|
<p>PATRICE: Don't LIE George.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE:I'M NOT A LIER!</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Uh, we're cool. Everything's cool (to security attendent)</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Just chatting. Friendly. </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: All righty, no reason for us to uh, raise our voices. </p>
|
|
<p>PATRICE: I know what you said. You can't change that.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: What I said? I saw stupid things all the time I can't go
|
|
two minutes without saying stupid things.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: It's one stupid thing after another. So let me ask you,
|
|
when you come to one of these places, </p>
|
|
<p>what do you bring your pocketbook? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You should be the one criticizing me. I, I'm lucky to even
|
|
know someone like you. </p>
|
|
<p>PATRICE: You mean that?</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Of course I mean that. I am incapable of guile. </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: He's never guiled. You know some women keep a lot of important
|
|
papers in their, uh, pocket book. </p>
|
|
<p>Like for example oh, someone else's personal financial papers.</p>
|
|
<p>PATRICE: Papers? Oh, Jerry, You're the Jerome with the tax problem.
|
|
You know after that day with George I </p>
|
|
<p>got so cuckoo I threw out all your papers. So I'd love to help
|
|
you but I'll need the copies.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: there are no copies.</p>
|
|
<p>PATRICE: So are you saying you want to continue seeing me? </p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Who makes copies? </p>
|
|
<p>Elaine's Apartment</p>
|
|
<p>==================</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: The truth is ... I think you make ... a very nice couple.
|
|
</p>
|
|
<p><Elaine exits></p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Oh,</p>
|
|
<p>TINA: Kramer, </p>
|
|
<p><dancing in the dark to the music></p>
|
|
<p>TINA: Here Kramer?</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: No, lets go to the couch...</p>
|
|
<p><sound of smashing glass></p>
|
|
<p>Jerry's Apartment</p>
|
|
<p>================[</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: <on phone>Yes, I'm trying to get a copy of a receipt
|
|
for a computer thatI bought there.... </p>
|
|
<p>it was 1987 ... I remember I talked to a guy - he had like a maroon
|
|
sport jacket - and he might </p>
|
|
<p>have had a toupee - oh, it was a weave - ok uh, then I'll come
|
|
bye ok, bye.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: Anybody want to take a walk down to 48th street? I think
|
|
I may have tracked down another receipt. </p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: I can't. I have to go visit Tina in the hospital.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: George? </p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: I'm going to a poetry reading with PATRICE: First time
|
|
poets, in a burnt out building, down by the docks, </p>
|
|
<p>Supposed to be good. </p>
|
|
<p><Kramer enter - all bandaged up.</p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: Hey, Are you going to the hospital now?</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: Yeah, I suppose I am. </p>
|
|
<p>KRAMER: All right, great, great uh, we'll share a cab.</p>
|
|
<p>JERRY: You're going by 48th St. You can give me a ride.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: Hey, I'm getting in on that.</p>
|
|
<p>ELAINE: You know you're chippin' in.</p>
|
|
<p>GEORGE: You're going that way anyway! </p>
|
|
<p>Stand Up</p>
|
|
<p>=========</p>
|
|
<p>I was audited last year. At first I thought well, IRS kinda sounds
|
|
like Toys R</p>
|
|
<p>Us maybe won't be so bad. Maybe they have a sense of fun about
|
|
it, you know.</p>
|
|
<p>But it's it's bad. It's an ordeal. And they don't do anything to
|
|
keep your </p>
|
|
<p>spirits up through the ordeal. I think they should take all your
|
|
receipts and </p>
|
|
<p>put them in one of those big Lucite sweepstake and just kinda crank
|
|
it around</p>
|
|
<p>there. You know give me a feeling like you might win something.
|
|
You know what I</p>
|
|
<p>mean? Then they can pull them out one by one and go "Oh, I'm
|
|
sorry that's </p>
|
|
<p>another illegal deduction. But we do have some lovely parting gifts
|
|
for you. </p>
|
|
<p>Jail!"</p>
|
|
<p> </p>
|
|
<p>THE END
|
|
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