737 lines
40 KiB
HTML
737 lines
40 KiB
HTML
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<h1>The Virgin</h1>
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Episode 50</p>
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<p>Script by Ethan Brown</p>
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<p>% Jerry and George talking near a bar.</p>
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<p>Jerry: We're dead.</p>
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<p>George: We're not dead.</p>
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<p>Jerry: We are dead.</p>
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<p>George: Come on. We got all day tomorrow to come up with a story.</p>
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<p>Jerry: All day tomorrow? We had a month and a half to come up with
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something and we didn't do anything.</p>
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<p>George: So we'll do it tomorrow.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Let me ask you something. When's the last time you went
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skiing?</p>
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<p>George: About six years ago.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I think you can take the lift ticket off your jacket now.</p>
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<p>George: Women like skiers.</p>
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<p>Jerry: So what? You can't meet anybody. You're going on with Susan.</p>
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<p>George: Yeah. Right.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hey, see those two women over there? I almost dated the
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one on the right. She's in the closet business.</p>
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<p>George: The closet business? What's the closet business?</p>
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<p>Jerry: What is it your business?</p>
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<p>George: I'm interested.</p>
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<p>Jerry: She reorganizes your closet and shows you how to maximize
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your closet space. She looked into my closet.</p>
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<p>George: So you thought she was good looking and figured this would
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be a good way to meet her.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah.</p>
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<p>George: Yeah. So what happened?</p>
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<p>Jerry: So, she mentioned she had a boyfriend and then it hit me.
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What do I need more closet space for? (Across the room) Hi, Marla.</p>
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<p>Marla: (Walks over to Jerry and George) Jerry.</p>
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<p>Jerry: George, Marla.</p>
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<p>George: Marla.</p>
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<p>Marla: George. Jerry, Stacey.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Stacey.</p>
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<p>Stacey: Jerry.</p>
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<p>Jerry: George, Stacey.</p>
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<p>George: Stacey.</p>
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<p>Stacey: George.</p>
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<p>Jerry: George.</p>
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<p>George: Jerry. Marla. (Realizing Jerry's cue) Stacey! (Walks over
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to Stacey)</p>
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<p>Marla: So, how was your trip to Berlin?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Trip to Berlin?</p>
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<p>Marla: Remember? That's why you put off doing the closets. You
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said you were going to Berlin for a while.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, right, right.</p>
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<p>Marla: The wall had just come down, and you told me you wanted
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to be part of the celebration.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yes, yes, I did. But, you know, I was watching it on CNN,
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and they covered it so well I thought, "Why knock my brains
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out?"</p>
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<p>Marla: You, know my boyfriend went.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Really?</p>
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<p>Marla: Yes, I told him all about you going and he got all excited
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and decided to go.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, did he like it?</p>
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<p>Marla: I don't know. He never came back. (Over to the other side
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of the bar)</p>
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<p>George: Anyway, we met with NBC about a month ago and they gave
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us the green light to go ahead and write a pilot. In fact, we got
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a big meeting with them tomorrow. They gotta approve of the story
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before we can write.</p>
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<p>Stacey: Wow, what a great job. A writer.</p>
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<p>George: Not a bad way to make a buck.</p>
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<p>Stacey: Sounds great.</p>
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<p>George: Well, I'll tell you, Stacey. It's a lot of hard work. But,
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it comes fairly easy to me. Some people write symphonies. This is
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my gift. (Raises ski lift ticket while Stacey looks away)</p>
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<p>% Jerry and George at Monk's</p>
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<p>Jerry: So, are you gonna go out with her?</p>
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<p>George: I might.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What about Susan?</p>
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<p>George: What? I'm not married. I'm not allowed to go out with somebody
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else?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Depends.</p>
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<p>George: Depends on what?</p>
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<p>Jerry: On many factors.</p>
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<p>George: Like what?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, how long you've been seeing her. What's your phone
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call frequency? Are you on a daily?</p>
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<p>George: No. Semi-daily. Four or five times a week.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What about Saturday nights? Do you have to ask her out,
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or is a date implied?</p>
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<p>George: Implied.</p>
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<p>Jerry: She got anything in your medicine cabinet?</p>
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<p>George: There might be some moisturizer.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Ah hah. Let me ask you this. Is there any tampax in your
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house?</p>
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<p>George: (Pause) Yeah.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well, I'll tell you what you've got here.</p>
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<p>George: What?</p>
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<p>Jerry: You got yourself a girlfriend.</p>
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<p>George: Ah, no, no. Are you sure? A girlfriend?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I'm looking at a guy in a semi-daily with tampax in his
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house and an implied date on Saturday night. I would like to help
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you out, but...</p>
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<p>George: Would you believe my luck? The first time in my life I
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have a good answer to the question, "What do you do?"
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and I have a girlfriend. I mean, you don't need a girlfriend when
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you can answer that question. That's what you say in order to get
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girlfriends. Once you can get a girlfriend, you don't want a girlfriend,
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you just want more girlfriends.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You're going to make a good father someday.</p>
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<p>George: Well it's not fair, Jerry. It's just not fair. All right,
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all right. That's it. I'm getting out of this thing.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Fine. Break up with her. But you know what this means?</p>
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<p>George: No, what?</p>
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<p>Jerry: The script, the pilot, the TV show. That's all over.</p>
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<p>George: Why? What do you mean?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Figure it out. She's one of the executives at NBC that's
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gonna make the decision whether or not they pick up the show. She's
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one of our biggest fans. You drop her off, you think they're gonna
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pick us up?</p>
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<p>George: Oh, right. Oh no, man.</p>
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<p>Jerry: you know, it's a very interesting situation. Here you have
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a job that can get you girls. But, you also have a relationship.
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But if you try and get rid of the relationship so you can get the
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girls, you lose the job. You see the irony?</p>
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<p>George: Yeah, yeah. I see the irony. All right. What about this?
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What if I can find some way to break up with her so that she'll
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still like me and it doesn't affect the deal.</p>
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<p>Jerry: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah.</p>
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<p>George: Wait, wait. Here me out. Don't dismiss this. You're very
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quick to dismiss. Don't dismiss. She's got a big crush on David
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Letterman, I mean, a big crush. She talks about him all the time.
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Suppose I go up to David Letterman. He works at NBC; I work at NBC.
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I explain my situation. He agrees to meet her. They go out, they
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fall madly in love. And she dumps me for David Letterman.</p>
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<p>Jerry: This is your plan?</p>
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<p>George: No, no. I'm just thinking.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't think you are.</p>
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<p>% Jerry with Marla, who is measuring his closet space.</p>
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<p>Marla: Let me tell you what I think.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Please, and be brutal. I have no closet sensitivity.</p>
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<p>Marla: Are you very fussy about your pants?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't think I am.</p>
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<p>Marla: Because I have a very radical idea. Can you handle it?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Try me.</p>
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<p>Marla: Here's what I'm proposing. We eliminate all this. The hangers,
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the bar, the shelves. And in its place install a series of hooks.
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We'll put everything on hooks.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Everything?</p>
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<p>Marla: Everything. The shirts, pants, sport jackets, pajamas. We
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could get eighty hooks on here.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You're quite mad, you know. (Kramer enters) Oh, I don't
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believe this. (Goes into other room) Hey?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey.</p>
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<p>Jerry: What are you doing?</p>
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<p>Kramer: I'm watching The Bold and the Beautiful.</p>
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<p>Jerry: No.</p>
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<p>Kramer: What?</p>
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<p>Jerry: This is not a good time.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Five minutes. What?</p>
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<p>Jerry: What did you have to give your TV away to George for?</p>
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<p>Kramer: Because I've been watching too much. It was an addiction.
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I couldn't stop. It was, it was destroying my brain cells.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, but now you're in here all the time. (Marla enters
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from other room)</p>
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<p>Kramer: Well, wow.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Marla, Kramer.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Hey.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Why don't you go out? It's nice out.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Oh, no. There's nothing out there for me.</p>
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<p>Jerry: There's weather.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Weather? I don't need weather. Weather doesn't do it for
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me.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I'm tellin' George to give you your TV back.</p>
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<p>Kramer: No, no, I don't want it back. (Pause) Are you gonna watch
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the Knick game tonight?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't know.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Will you tape it?</p>
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<p>Jerry: Kramer... (points to Marla)</p>
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<p>Kramer: Yeah. (He exits)</p>
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<p>Jerry: So your boyfriend never came back from Berlin.</p>
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<p>Marla: Never came back.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, you must have been devastated being left for a wall.</p>
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<p>Marla: It was about to end anyway. There was this... problem.</p>
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<!-- BeginAd01 --><!-- EndAd -->
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<p>Jerry: Ah hah. (Buzzer) Excuse me one second. Yeah?</p>
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<p>Elaine: It's me.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Come on up. Oh, it's Elaine, she's just a friend of mine.
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I don't know what she's doing here now. (Buzzer) I'm sorry. What?</p>
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<p>Elaine: I didn't get it.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Ugh. So you were saying there was this problem.</p>
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<p>Marla: Well, he wanted me to move in with him.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Snapple?</p>
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<p>Marla: No thanks.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Go on.</p>
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<p>Marla: Well I wouldn't move in because...</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yes.</p>
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<p>Marla: Well because...</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah.</p>
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<p>Marla: Well because I'm a virgin. (Elaine enters)</p>
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<p>Elaine: Hello!</p>
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<p>Jerry: Hi, um. Marla, Elaine.</p>
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<p>Elaine: I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company. I just wanted
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to return your tape.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Oh, thanks a lot, two weeks late. Now that costs me thirty-five
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dollars to see Havana.</p>
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<p>Elaine: I'm sorry, I really am. I just kept forgetting.</p>
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<p>Marla: I should be going.</p>
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<p>Elaine: No, no, I'm leaving.</p>
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<p>Jerry: I like that thing in your hair there.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Oh yeah? This woman was selling them at this crazy party
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I was at last night. You'll appreciate this. Snapple? </p>
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<p>Marla: No thanks. </p>
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<p>Elaine: I was talking to this guy, you know, and I just happened
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to throw my purse on the sofa. And my diaphragm goes flying out.
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So I just froze, you know, ahh! Staring at my diaphragm. You know,
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it's just lying there. So then, this woman, the one who sold me
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this hair thing, she grabbed it before the guy noticed, so. I mean,
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big deal, right? So I carry around my diaphragm, who doesn't? Yeah,
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like it's a big, big secret that women carry around their diaphragms.
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You never know when you're gonna need it, right? (Sips the Snapple)
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Ahh. </p>
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<p> </p>
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<p>Marla: I should be going.</p>
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<p>Jerry: So we'll talk about the hooks then?</p>
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<p>Marla: Yes. (She exits)</p>
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<p>Elaine: What? Was it something I said?</p>
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<p>Jerry: She's a virgin, she just told me.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well I didn't know.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Well it's not like spotting a toupee.</p>
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<p>Elaine: Well you think I should say something? Should I say something?
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Should I apologize? Was I being anti-virgin?</p>
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<p>Jerry: No, no, I mean...</p>
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<p>Elaine: 'Cause I'm not anti-virgin. I'll be right back. (She leaves)</p>
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<p>Jerry: Elaine, Elaine... (Buzzer) Yeah?</p>
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<p>George: It's George.</p>
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<p>% Cut to George looking out Jerry's apartment at Marla.</p>
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<p>George: She's a virgin?</p>
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<p>Jerry: A virgin.</p>
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<p>George: Wow. So what're you gonna do?</p>
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<p>Jerry: I don't know. I'm very attracted to her. That accent, it's
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so sexy.</p>
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<p>George: I don't think I could do it. You know, they always remember
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the first time. I don't want to be remembered. I wanna be forgotten.</p>
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<p>Jerry: You need a little pioneer spirit. You know, you don't have
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any of that Lewis and Clark in you.</p>
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<p>George: You know, sometimes those guys don't make it back. (Looks
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in fridge) I'm really hungry.</p>
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<p>Jerry: Yeah, me too.</p>
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<p>George: We gotta get something. I don't want to go to that meeting
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on an empty stomach. Let's get some Chinese. You wanna order it?</p>
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<p>Jerry: All right, but then we gotta get some work done. Let me
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just call Kramer, see if want anything. (Calls) Hey, we ordering
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Chinese food. If you want anything-- (Kramer enters quickly) let
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me know what it is and I'll order for you.</p>
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<p>Kramer: I'm in. Let's go for it.</p>
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<p>George: What do you want?</p>
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<p>Kramer: I don't care, whatever.</p>
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<p>George: I'll tell you what. Why don't we just get a couple of dishes
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and we'll just share 'em.</p>
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<p>Kramer: Okay. What are you getting?</p>
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<p>George: I'm gonna get a Chow Fung.</p>
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<p>Kramer: What's a Chow Fung?</p>
|
|
<p>George: It's a broad noodle.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What do you mean, a broad noodle?</p>
|
|
<p>George: It's a big flat noodle.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Well I don't want a big flat noodle.</p>
|
|
<p>George: What kind of noodle do you want?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Who says I want a noodle?</p>
|
|
<p>George: All right, look. I'm getting the Chow Fung. You don't have
|
|
to have any.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: All right. I'll get pea pods and you can't have any of
|
|
my pea pods.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Fine.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Get extra MSG.</p>
|
|
<p>% Elaine and Marla at Monk's Cafe.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Look, Marla. This whole sex thing is totally overrated.
|
|
Now, here's the one thing you've gotta be ready for is how the man
|
|
changes into a completely different person five seconds after it's
|
|
over. I mean, something happens to their personality it's really
|
|
quite astounding. It's like they committed a crime and they want
|
|
to flee the scene before the police get there.</p>
|
|
<p>Marla: So they just leave?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Well, the smart ones start working
|
|
on their getaway stories during dinner. How, you know, they gotta
|
|
get up early tomorrow. What is about being up early? They all turn
|
|
into farmers suddenly.</p>
|
|
<p>Marla: Wow. It must be pretty good to put up with all that.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Eh.</p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry's place, George and Jerry are sitting.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: All right, let's go. We don't have much time before the
|
|
meeting. </p>
|
|
<p>George: Where's the food? What happened to Ping?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Don't worry, he'll be here. Look, we only got about two
|
|
hours. We just need to come up with one good story so we can get
|
|
through this meeting. (Buzzer) There's your food.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Hey, what about this? I'm in a car accident. The motorist
|
|
is uninsured, you with me?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah.</p>
|
|
<p>George: My car's totaled. It's all his fault and now, he has absolutely
|
|
no money. There is no way that he can pay me. So the judge decrees
|
|
that he becomes my butler.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Your butler?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Right. He cooks my food, he cleans my house, he does all
|
|
my shopping for me. And there you go, that's your program.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What about me?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Don't worry, we'll find something for you. (Knock of Jerry's
|
|
door)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (Getting the door) That's the stupidest idea I ever heard.
|
|
Sentenced to be a butler. (Elaine, Marla, and an injured Ping are
|
|
at the door) Ping, what happened?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: There was a bit of an accident.</p>
|
|
<p>Ping: Head hurts. Head really hurts.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What happened?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Marla and I went out for coffee and afterwards I was crossing
|
|
the street and he was biking right towards me. So I got out of the
|
|
way just in time, but then he ran into a parked car. He hit his
|
|
head and everything went flying.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Something happened to the food?</p>
|
|
<p>Ping: I only saved one bag.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Should I call an ambulance? Do you wanna see a doctor?</p>
|
|
<p>Marla: I'll get some ice.</p>
|
|
<p>George: (After looking in the bag) The pea pods? All you saved
|
|
was the pea pods? (Kramer enters)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Hey, you got the food?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, here.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What took you so long? Hey, Ping!</p>
|
|
<p>Ping: Kramer. (Kramer and George sit on the couch)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Yeah. Where's yours?</p>
|
|
<p>George: He dropped it.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, that's too bad.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You should slow down, you know that? It's dangerous to
|
|
go that fast.</p>
|
|
<p>Ping: No, no. I have green light. You jaywalked.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (To Jerry) Hey, you watchin' Oprah?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: (To Ping) I did not jaywalk.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: (To George) You're givin' him back that TV.</p>
|
|
<p>Ping: (To Elaine) Yes, you jaywalked.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (To Jerry) No, I don't want it back.</p>
|
|
<p>Ping: (To Elaine) Jaywalker. I could slap suit on you.</p>
|
|
<p>George: (To Jerry) We got work to do. What about the meeting?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (To himself) Hey, look. An hour with Patrick Swayze.</p>
|
|
<p>% George and Jerry in the NBC lobby.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: A month and a half we had. We did nothing. I can't believe
|
|
we put it off until today and then we couldn't do anything because
|
|
Elaine runs out to apologize to a virgin, crosses against a light,
|
|
and knocks over a Chinese delivery boy. Now we're gonna make fools
|
|
of ourselves, we got nothing. You're not even in show business.
|
|
I gotta reputation. You drag me into the sewer with you. I've been
|
|
on TV buddy boy. You know how fast word spreads in show business?
|
|
It's like that (Snaps in George's face) , like that! One bad impression,
|
|
you're outta the business!</p>
|
|
<p>George: All right, let's postpone it. Let's get out of here.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What do you mean? They know we're here.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I'll fake an illness. (Acts it out) My back! My back! I
|
|
can't believe, my back.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No, no, would you get up?</p>
|
|
<p>George: I can do this, Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: No.</p>
|
|
<p>George: All right, I'll tell them my sister died. (Starts fake
|
|
crying) My poor sister died. She was standing and then she was laughing
|
|
and then they SHOT her! That's the kind of sick city that we're
|
|
livin' in. They shoot you for laughing. I must go and comfort my
|
|
poor family. Jerry, take me home so I can comfort my... my poor
|
|
family.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What?</p>
|
|
<p>George: That's David Letterman. I just saw David Letterman walk
|
|
by. I'll be right back. (He exits)</p>
|
|
<p>% Woman enters.</p>
|
|
<p>Woman: Mr. Seinfeld, they're ready for you. (She exits)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yes, I was very wise to hitch my wagon to his star. (Jerry
|
|
enters meeting)</p>
|
|
<p>Man #1: Hey, Jerry.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Hi, how are you doing? Nice to see you all here. Hello.</p>
|
|
<p>Rita: Hello, Jerry. I'm Rita Kearson.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, uh, nice to meet you. Where's Russell?</p>
|
|
<p>Rita: He, uh, had to go to LA. There's a problem on the set of
|
|
Blossom.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, poor Blossom. (He sits)</p>
|
|
<p>Rita: Anyway, he asked me to sit in for him.</p>
|
|
<p>Man #2: Where's George?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, he ran to say something to David Letterman.</p>
|
|
<p>Susan: David Letterman's on the floor?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, he just walked by. </p>
|
|
<p>Rita: Well, I think we should get started anyway.</p>
|
|
<!-- BeginAd02 --><!-- EndAd -->
|
|
<p>Jerry: Yeah, good idea.</p>
|
|
<p>Rita: So how are you guys comin' along?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Good, good, we've got a lot of ideas.</p>
|
|
<p>Rita: Good. (Pause)</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Have you ever been to a Chinese restaurant and they tell
|
|
you it'll be, like, five minutes for a table and you wind up waitin'
|
|
there for, like, thirty minutes? Well, we thought it would be very
|
|
funny to do an entire show where all you're doin' is waitin' for
|
|
the table. (They don't seem to like it) Because we've all been in
|
|
that situation. You know, you're waiting... and you're hungry...
|
|
and you bump into somebody you know... When is Russell coming back?</p>
|
|
<p>Rita: So that's the idea?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Well no, that's one. We have many others. We have an idea
|
|
where, uh, I get into an accident with a guy who has no insurance
|
|
and the judge sentences him to be my butler. (Everyone laughs) You
|
|
know he cooks for me, he has to cook for me... He cleans my house,
|
|
he's doin' my shopping, you know? I'm walkin' around with one of
|
|
those big neck collars.</p>
|
|
<p>Man #2: Those collars are funny!</p>
|
|
<p>Man #1: Once you see someone in those collars you start laughing
|
|
immediately. (George enters)</p>
|
|
<p>George: You tellin' 'em about the butler story? Is that beautiful
|
|
or what? Hey, sorry I'm late. (Looks at Rita) Russell?</p>
|
|
<p>Rita: I'm Rita Kearson.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, Rita. Hey, Mr. Shermack, how're you doing, good to
|
|
see you. Jay, always a pleasure. (To Susan) Sweetie. (Kisses her
|
|
and then sits down next to Jerry) Yeah, yeah, that butler idea,
|
|
that's beautiful. Isn't that killer? (Aside to Jerry) I thought
|
|
I was getting the butler.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Don't worry, uh, we'll find something for you.</p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry and George enter Jerry's place to see Kramer watching (and
|
|
playing) Jeopardy.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: So Letterman didn't spark to your idea, huh?</p>
|
|
<p>George: No, he said there was nothing he could do, and next time
|
|
I should probably break the Prozacs in half.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: You, you guys wanna hold it down? I'm watchin' Jeopardy.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Would you give him the TV back?</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: Oh, by the way, George. Susan called for you a minute ago.</p>
|
|
<p>George: I bet they're probably doing summersaults about us over
|
|
there. You think they get butler stories like that everyday? (He
|
|
calls Susan)</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (To the TV) Who is Joseph Cotton? Giddee up!</p>
|
|
<p>Susan: Hello?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Hi, it's me. It's Georgie Boy. What's going on?</p>
|
|
<p>Susan: What's going on? What's going on? I'll tell you what's going
|
|
on. I'm fired!</p>
|
|
<p>George: Fired? Why?</p>
|
|
<p>Susan: Because you kissed me. You kissed me, you stupid idiot!
|
|
Rita called Russell and he fired me over the phone.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (To the TV) What is pi? Ooh! Giddee up again.</p>
|
|
<p>George: But I had no... I didn't realize.</p>
|
|
<p>Susan: You didn't realize? How could you not realize? You're stupid!
|
|
You're a stupid, stupid man!</p>
|
|
<p>George: I just feel terrible This is just terrible.</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: (To the TV once again) What is the cha-cha? Ooh, yes indeed.</p>
|
|
<p>Susan: I'll speak to you later.</p>
|
|
<p>George: (Hangs up phone and pauses) this is great! He fired her!
|
|
This is incredible, he fired her. I'm out, baby! I'm out!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why did he fire her?</p>
|
|
<p>George: Because I kissed her in the meeting. Russell found out,
|
|
he fired her over the phone. Finally, my stupidity pays off!</p>
|
|
<p>Kramer: What is here comes the judge, here comes the judge!</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You can't break up with her now. Her life is shattered.
|
|
You got her fired. You gotta be there for her.</p>
|
|
<p>George: What?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: You gotta at least wait until she gets another job.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Another job?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Couple of interviews.</p>
|
|
<p>George: Oh, this is unbelievable. I'm stuck. Every time I think
|
|
I'm out, they pull me back in. </p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry and Marla are making out in his closet.</p>
|
|
<p>Marla: Are you gonna leave after its over? You know, if we have
|
|
sex.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What? Leave? Where? Why?</p>
|
|
<p>Marla: You know, the apartment.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Why would I leave? This is my apartment.</p>
|
|
<p>Marla: Well what if it was my apartment?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Who gave you this idea I would wanna leave?</p>
|
|
<p>Marla: Well Elaine said men like to leave after it's over.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Listen, I wouldn't put too much stock into what Elaine has
|
|
to say about relationships. She comes from a broken home, and I
|
|
mean that literally. A tree fell on her roof and cracked the whole
|
|
structure. Her parents got along beautifully, but her house was
|
|
in bad shape.</p>
|
|
<p>Marla: Maybe I should get going.</p>
|
|
<p>% Jerry and Elaine at a bar.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What else did you say to her?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Nothin'. I was just givin' her the straight dope.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: More like a dope was giving it to her straight. Another
|
|
cup of coffee with you, she'll wind up in a convent.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Listen, there was a lot more I could've told her, believe
|
|
me.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: What is that about leaving after sex? Did I ever leave with
|
|
you?</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: You might've if I'd stayed. So you know what? I got served
|
|
with papers today. Ping is suing me. I need your virgin as a witness.
|
|
You better be nice to her.</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: I was trying to be.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Look at George. (On the other side of the restaurant) He
|
|
lucked out, huh?</p>
|
|
<p>Jerry: Oh, you're not kiddin'. Who'd 've figured Susan would break
|
|
up with him? They had a good thing going.</p>
|
|
<p>Elaine: Yeah, since she met him she's been vomited on, her family
|
|
cabin's been burned down, she learned her father's a homosexual,
|
|
and she got fired from a high paying network job. Yeah, they had
|
|
a real good thing going.</p>
|
|
<p>% Cut over to George and a woman.</p>
|
|
<p>George: What do I do? Well actually, I'm a writer. In fact, I'm
|
|
writing a comedy pilot for NBC right now.</p>
|
|
<p>Woman: A sitcom? How can you write that crap? Carol, this guy's
|
|
writing a sitcom.</p>
|
|
<p>Carol: A sitcom? Come on, let's go. (They leave)</p>
|
|
<p>Woman: A sitcom. Can you imagine? And he actually tried to use
|
|
it to hit on me!</p>
|
|
<p>End.</p>
|
|
<p>=============================================================</p>
|
|
<p><Spell checked and reformatted by Mike "The News Guy">
|
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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var dc_AdLinkColor = 'blue' ;
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var dc_PublisherID = 141705 ;
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</script>
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<script type='text/javascript'>
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if (pageType=="CONTENT") {
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document.write('<script type="text/javascript" src="http://kona.kontera.com/javascript/lib/KonaLibInline.js"></scr' + 'ipt>');
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}
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</script>
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<script type="text/javascript">
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var _gaq = _gaq || [];
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_gaq.push(['_setAccount', 'UA-16472669-1']);
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_gaq.push(['_trackPageview']);
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(function() {
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var ga = document.createElement('script'); ga.type = 'text/javascript'; ga.async = true;
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ga.src = ('https:' == document.location.protocol ? 'https://ssl' : 'http://www') + '.google-analytics.com/ga.js';
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var s = document.getElementsByTagName('script')[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(ga, s);
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})();
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</script></body>
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